Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
