i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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