i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize