Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
