i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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