Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
