My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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