I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
