K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
