He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
