you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
