just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
