Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
