In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
