fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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