Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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