So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
