So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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