I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize