I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
