i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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