Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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