I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there was a trapeze. enough said
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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