I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
