Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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