Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
