I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
