oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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