i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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