she looked like the before picture.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
