I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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