Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
