dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
