At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
