Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
