I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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