I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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