dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
