My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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