Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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