Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
zippers are such a cool invention
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
