she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
