come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
