I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
