I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
