Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
