Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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