Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
