I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
