sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The best revenge is premature balding
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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