I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
