Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
