Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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