the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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