My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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