So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
