How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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