i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize