apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
