I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
