She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
