my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
