All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
