If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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