I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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