Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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